Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
