i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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