Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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