My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
