God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
