I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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