I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
