I want to stick my p in your. b.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
