What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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