remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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