my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
