do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
