Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
