I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
