theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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