Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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