Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sorry my hands just texted you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
