dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
