It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
