have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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