saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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