grandma shit on top of the toilet
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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