I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
