I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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