I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
