I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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