I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
