oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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