my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
