Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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