We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
not ubering you a puppy
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
