My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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