All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
