She announced her abortion via fbk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
