so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
