Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
