Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
