I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
