i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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