Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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