Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Screwed.edu
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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