I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
