not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
