After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
