Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you win again, gameday.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
