I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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