Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
