one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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