i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
