This is not my ceiling
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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