You can't motorboat a personality
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
